Making Amends
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: His tension toward Casey was just an outward mask of his true inner feelings, but after nearly losing Casey in the fire, his concern comes to the fore in private and a new bond is formed. Casey/Severide Based on eppy 1.01 The Pilot 'contains spoilers'


**Title: Making Amends**

**Summary:** His tension toward Casey was just an outward mask of his true inner feelings, but after nearly losing Casey in the fire, his concern comes to the fore in private and a new bond is formed. Casey/Severide Based on eppy 1.01 The Pilot 'contains spoilers'

**Disclaimer: ** Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me lol if so we'd have wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more broments than we do now!

**A/N:** Okay so was rewatching the pilot again and had to capitalize on some of the broments in that one and since I hadn't done an eppy OS for it I figured better do it before the new season starts hope you all like it!

_Note: "Words in italics and double quotes taken directly from episode"_

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_Casey's to blame…it's his fault Andy's dead…he should have known better…_Severide's mind swirls with tension as he slumps down into a chair just outside the entrance to the main eating area in Firehouse 51. He had tried to argue back that he wasn't even partly to blame for his childhood friend's death by using a work technicality – squad doesn't vent.

But as many false excuses as he would toss out openly, inside he was a mess…a wreck…a walking emotional time bomb waiting to go off. Only he didn't outwardly explode and probably never would; having been taught from young by a father that was the master at locking his feelings away and teaching him that to show outward emotional weakness was a sign of inner weakness and that wasn't acceptable. _You're not weak son…you don't have to answer for your feelings to anyone. Remember that, no matter what. No one._

And that's what he did, outwardly pushing away those closest to him but inwardly begging for help – a cry that would go unheard for a little while longer. Except for one person that didn't seem to want to give up on getting those feelings out into the open and resolved. He watches Casey slowly walk past him and feels his stomach tighten. Blaming Casey was easy but he had heard on the helmet mic's the same as everyone else – Darden didn't wait. Darden was always a bit reckless and rode his cocky attitude on his sleeve for the world to see – sometimes thinking himself invincible. He finally paid the ultimate price.

_Damn it Andy, why the hell didn't you just listen…_Severide's mind inwardly curses as his gaze starts to mist over; his mind drifting back in time to the first fire fighters picnic they enjoyed together. He looks over at Casey's truck and feels his eyes wanting to narrow at his fellow 51 Lieutenant. _It was Casey's fault, _he foolishly ponders once more. But small pangs of guilt start to overshadow him as he pictures the dejected look on Casey's face the few silent moments they shared in the bathroom; not quite able to bring himself to make amends – even in private. Just before his lips can utter a small curse in Casey's name on more time, one of his Squad team members taps him on the shoulder – lunch time.

_"Casey's cooking."_

_Oh what the hell is this all about now…_Severide's mind growls as he slowly gets up off his chair and follows his fellow squad members into the main eating area. Sure enough he looks up and see's Casey by himself behind the kitchen counter and frowns. _Who's he sucking up to? And since when can he cook? _Casey looks up and for a few seconds the two of them lock eyes and he can see an almost jubilant relief in the slightly younger man's eyes and contemplates an appreciative nod. But the combination of his father's mocking tone and a quiet jab from a team member behind him, forces him to act more like a petulant child than a mature team leader and the moment is lost.

Instead of enjoying what actually looks a very tempting feast, he merely grabs an orange and pulls away, heading for the outside and not caring about the hurt looks left in his wake – looks he's the cause of. If looks could kill he'd be dead in that instant as Casey's entire frame had sagged; completely lost on the one person he was trying to affect.

_He's only trying to make amends…_his brain reminds him as he tosses the orange rind into the nearby garbage can and pulls out a cigar, plunking himself down onto the front of his rig and praying for a few moments of peace. But it's not to be. He spies movement out of the corner of his eye and actually curses himself once more as Casey approaches with an apologetic expression.

_"I'm trying here Severide," Casey states meekly._

_"Keep on," he retorts without missing a beat, looking at Casey's expression and then looking away in haste as he knows the longer he looks the faster he'll give in to Casey's silent pleading and just make peace._

But the stubborn part of the Severide clan continues to boil in his blood and he basically scoffs at Casey's attempts to make small talk or prolong any kind of civilized conversation. He avoids most of Casey's statements until Casey decides to play with fire and bring up the fact that he was supposed to have had the back vented; to which of course he quickly lashes out with a biting reply. And then just to add a bit more insult to injury and hoping he can stop the conversation before it goes further he adds:

_"You know what? I don't have to explain anything to you. I sleep like a baby. You?"_

And he gets his wish – the conversation ends. He looks at Casey, locking eyes with the soft blue sapphires as he offers his direct challenge. It of course is a bold faced lie – he had hardly slept soundly in weeks; but he'd be damned if he showed that kind of vulnerability to anyone. Casey on the other hand was easy to read, when he hurt everyone knows and that innocent trust was irritatingly endearing.

Casey's face sinks and the longer their eyes are locked in the moments of silence that follow he feels guilt once again starting to creep up into areas they wouldn't have dared earlier. _Why the hell did I just do that?_

"Hey Matt I'm sorry…let's make up right now and call a truce and quit this childish bickering."

At least that's what in he should have said. Sadly just as his mouth opens Casey turns and leaves; his lips uttering a low growl as he gives his head a shake for not at least offering something mature in parting. For a few seconds he contemplates getting up and rushing after Casey, wanting to make amends and quit the senseless feud.

But he doesn't.

Instead he remains in place, leaning back against the front of the truck and offering an angry grimace as a few painful bursts start to emanate from his neck and travel down to his right shoulder blade and beyond. He turns and looks at Casey's back just before it disappears into the inner sanctum of the Firehouse, telling himself that he's dealing with the loss of a childhood friend, a serious injury and the fact that he could have been responsible for both the death and his injury. Instead he takes another puff and then grits his teeth as Casey disappears for good.

"Stubborn bastard," Severide curses in an undertone as he looks away. _He only wants to make peace, _his mind keeps reminding him. "It's not…my fault," Severide huffs as he takes another puff and then finally puts out the butt on the ground and heads back into the main Firehouse area. He watches the new candidate doing some drills with the rest of Casey's team but not Casey himself. Severide enters the quiet hallway, heading for his office but pausing just before he enters. He looks down the hall toward a slightly open door and frowns before he moves toward it. He hears a soft curse and grunt follow by a distinct 'punch' and heads toward the small gym, watching Casey's back as it flexes with each frustrated hit to the punching bag.

_Go and make amends, _his mind urges as he watches a few seconds longer. _I'll say something tomorrow, _Severide offers his own mental prodding's as he heads for his office and plunks himself down to finish the report from the call a few hours earlier. About ten minutes later he watches Casey head toward his office, pause outside for a few seconds; his warm blue eyes once again begging for even a few seconds of understanding and kindness before he realizes it's not to be and dashes off to join the rest of his team as they head out to listen to the Chief try to win his boxing match.

"Tomorrow…" Severide mutters to himself as he looks back down at his report. "We can make amends tomorrow," he whispers. As soon as he's done, he gets up and heads back through the quiet firehouse toward the locker rooms when the overhead paging system is heard. Squad 3 is needed at the same call that Casey was called to and within seconds, he's yelling at his team to get their asses in gear and get the truck moving.

_"Squad 3 responding."_

His stomach grumbles as he reaches for his gear, but knows there's no time to think about food when it's a call for all hands on deck. So he pushes past his own need for food, inwardly cursing the fact that all he's had for the past several hours is a piece of fruit and would be going into the heat of battle as it were without much nutritional ammunition to keep him going.

"You look tense Lieutenant," the driver of the squad 3 truck mentions to Severide as they pull into traffic.

"Yeah I'll be fine," he retorts contritely. For a split second he glances into the large side mirror and catches a glimpse of Casey's smiling face – a reminder of a happier moment shared between them a month earlier and his heart sinks; the friendship between them was so easy and free flowing. Now it was gone – threatened to maybe never be rebuilt again if he didn't own up to his part of the emotional battle. But he tries to brush past the momentary feeling of melancholy as they near the site of the fire.

He spies truck 81 parked just ahead of Engine 51 and frowns, looking up at the angry fire and internally hoping that Casey watches his back. Despite the fact that he can't quite bring himself to utter it audibly, inwardly he always worries when he sees Casey rush into a raging inferno. Severide puts his helmet onto his head and rushes toward Boden, wanting to get his orders and get his head in the game. Only the orders he's given on who to rescue first – stop his blood cold.

_"We have at least two not moving in the basement…Casey and Hermann."_

For a split millisecond his world stops and he stares at the Chief in shock. Did he say Casey's down? Not moving? Casey? He's the one needing rescue? My Casey? Wait…what? He…no he's just pulling my chain to get back at me for being an ass toward him as of late. He's fine…Casey…Casey's down…this…this can't be…I saw him earlier. The noise in the background snaps him back to realty as he assures Boden that he's bringing Casey out alive.

He turns and hurries for the entrance to the burning apartment building, his mind and heart racing that he'll arrive just in time to pull Casey's lifeless corpse from the charred ruins. _This can't be…damn it Casey what happened! _His mind growls as he races for the stairs to go up; his eyes darting around as pieces of the building start to gently rain down all around him.

_"I see Casey and Hermann…" Severide tells Boden before he starts to shout orders to his team to get him down the opening onto the floor below and get their two fellow firefighters out safely. _

"Casey!" Severide shouts in a panic, not caring what the other members of his team would think or even say to him later, especially in light of the visibly hostile attitude he had displayed toward Casey in front of them all. As soon as his feet touch the bottom he has only one thought in mind – the building is burning around them, Casey is slowly moving, and Hermann is out cold – but making sure that Casey's really okay is first priority.

_"Come on get up…" Severide calls out to Casey as his hands grip Casey's arms and roughly haul him to his feet, following up that comment with something about the mayor. But when Casey is slow to respond his heart once again aches, especially when he sees Casey's eyes almost water and he offers Severide a vulnerable frown and his protective nature toward Casey surges. "Hey…you alright?"_

In that moment he wanted nothing more than to do a complete once over, checking for anything broken or blood that might be escaping but wasn't seen under the heavy folds of Casey's gear. But he didn't have the time so all he can do is curse the fact a very fast visual once over would have to do and then just pray that Casey was indeed as okay as he appeared.

"Casey!" Severide calls his name once more, pulling him from his smoke-induced stupor.

"Kelly…" Casey whispers with a heavy cough as his body wants to buckle. But feeling Severide's strong arms on his lets him cough out the putrid smoke without fear of falling back down completely.

"Hey…look at me!" Severide demands once more. "You okay?"

Casey looks at him, Severide noticing the almost look of disbelief in his scared sapphire pools before him, Casey trying to nod and pull away at the same time. Severide holds onto Casey's slightly faltering frame a few seconds longer; holding him the way a protective older sibling would if they just pulled the younger from a dangerous situation and knowing they were the one in charge of keeping them safe. Casey nods and mumbles something before he mentions Hermann's name and Severide knows that much like himself, it wasn't the time for Casey to show how he might be feeling and get to their fallen team member. Severide follows Casey's lead as they both drop to their knees and start to tend to the veteran fire fighter, Severide offering Hermann his own oxygen mask as Casey works to get him stabilized long enough for transport.

Time passes faster than expected as Hermann is put into a crude rope harness, pulled up and then it's up to them to get themselves out of harms way and fast. He calls to Casey to use the table and within seconds, it's pulled over to the opening and he's hoisting Casey into the air, pushing him up as fast as he can to get him out of the fire; his mind putting Casey's welfare a head of his own.

About ten minutes later the rest of truck 81 and squad 3 clear the burning building, all of them taking in deep breaths of fresh air; Severide watching Casey slowly heading toward his team as he radios in that the building is all clear. His eyes don't leave the younger man until he's in his truck and heading back to base; Capp's hand on his shoulder signaling him it's time to head back themselves.

On the ride back Severide sits in contemplative silence, his mind trying to shrug off that Casey's okay and whatever the issue between them would just naturally fade and that would be it. But tonight when he thought he had nearly lost Casey, his first thought was that he'd never have had the opportunity to tell Casey he's sorry for treating him unfairly. He makes up his mind to talk to Casey as soon as they get back to the Firehouse. But that plan is rendered moot when he sees Casey make a beeline for his locker, grab his stuff and disappear out the exit door; his mind cursing his slow timing as Boden calls him for a quick debrief and his opportunity to clear the air with Casey after the tense rescue is put on hold.

Just a few more hours on shift; he tells himself to just get through it and just go home and crash for the next few days and not think about the stress of the past week. Hermann was still in the hospital and Boden told him that as soon as the shift is over they were heading there to see him; Casey would be there.

His brain finally forces him to realize that all he's had to eat in practically 24 hours and feeling a few hunger pangs starting to yell at him to take action, he decides to go in search of real food. He leaves the locker room and casually strolls into the main eating area; looking around to see who was watching. When he confirms he's alone, he hurries toward the fridge, pulls the door open and spies the plate of corned beef and veggies – _"Casey's corned beef – help yourself" _the note reads. _Should have just bit back your damn pride and had some earlier like everyone else. _He tries to shush his inner prodding's as he warms up the food and then starts to pick at it; his stomach thanking him for the very tasty offerings and his mind having to acknowledge that Casey's actually a pretty damn good cook.

"Still stubborn," Severide smirks as he continues; his stomach still slightly agitated as he eats a bit faster than normal – wanting to finish everything off before he's discovered. Once again his first plan, to just have a few bites is rendered moot as he looks down and sees he's devoured half the plate of leftovers. About ten minutes later, he leans back in his chair and looks at the empty plate; his mind thinking back to Casey's actions of taking it upon himself to cook for everyone and what that small gesture meant and the fact that he knows inside his heart that Casey did it mostly for him as a peace offering and he just threw it back in Casey's face like it was nothing – all this hard work, all his effort at making peace between them was as nothing to him. And in that moment he curses his own arrogant stupidity for hurting Casey so openly like that.

Severide looks at the clock and knows he still has time to get to the hospital and show by his presence to Casey specifically that he's trying to make amends and this is a small showing. Saving Casey was part of the job, showing concern to him first during the rescue was personal but that was only between the two of them without witnesses; this would be an outward display of remorse to everyone that the grudge was starting to dissipate. With that thought in mind he hurries for the exit and then outside toward his car. The next stop would be Lakeshore.

XXXXXXXX

Severide enters the emergency waiting area and instantly notices Casey look up in almost disbelief that he was even there. His posture at first stiffens, but when he notices Casey's expression soften, he feels his anxiety lessen and he's able to carry on. Casey was involved in discussion so he heads for Boden to get an update and then eases himself down beside his roommate Shay. But he's finally able to look at Casey, isolate his gaze, holds it for a few seconds before he offers him a firm nod of acknowledgment. _It's time to make amends, _his mind basically says what his lips don't in that moment.

Adding to the moment is the fact that Casey returns the sentiment by an affirmative nod of his own and the first step toward making peace is set between them – a few trusted witnesses on either side of them taking note and everyone feeling the tension that the two of them had needlessly created starting to dissolve. The report for Hermann comes in and soon the rest of the team starts to disperse. It was the time to act.

"Hey got a sec," Severide mentions to Casey as he nears, gently steering him away from prying eyes and listening ears. However, one set of eyes sees – Boden's, and he can only offer a firm nod and smile to both their backs as he knows this is the right move on both their parts – talking together. It didn't matter for how long or what it was about, just as long as they were talking. He ushers the rest of the team out, this was private and between them and they didn't need any outside interlopers messing with what could be the start of the mending of a strong bond of friendship. Boden exits the hospital doors with a delighted smile on his face.

"Sure," Casey innocently shrugs as he looks at Severide in wide eyed wonder; Severide offering a small smirk at Casey's expression and feeling a surge of brother protectiveness wanting to outwardly display toward him.

"About yesterday…Matt I was out of line and I'm sorry for being such an ass toward you in public," Severide stops and then waits for Casey's reaction.

"I only wanted there to be peace between us."

"Yeah and I lost sight of that until yesterday. Thing is I always thought you'd be there to just put up with my guff and I could say sorry when I felt like it. But hearing that it was you that was down in that building and then looking down that hole and seeing you lying still for a few seconds I figured I had lost another friend and I…I just want to say I'm sorry."

"Okay," Casey nods as he offers Severide a genuine and appreciative smile.

"You want to go and grab a beer?"

Casey looks at his watch and then up at Severide and nods in agreement. "You buying?"

"I guess I owe you one or two right?"

"Well I kinda owe you my life but this time you can be the one making amends first," Casey lightly smiles as Severide gestures for them to head for the front doors and outside. "You know if you're hungry there are some leftovers at the House."

"Actually when I left they were all gone," Severide mentions casually as they head for his car, Casey not putting up much of a fuss as to who would actually be driving.

"Oh," Casey replies with a somewhat discouraged tone as Severide looks over with a soft smirk as the two of them get into the car but Severide pauses before turning the key. Casey looks over with a frown at Severide's stony gaze and feels his agitation wanting to gain momentum once again.

"My father always taught me to just deflect pain with stupid jokes and sarcasm and to push people away. He's the king of that. That's what I know and what I did. Figured it didn't matter. This past week…I was worried when I didn't see you moving down that hole and I thought…why the hell was I such a jerk just before the last call. I saw it finally mattered."

"Well I'm glad it wasn't the last call but I've hated the tension between us as well."

"I should have helped you clean out his locker and be there when you talked to Heather," Severide mentions as they finally pull away.

"I didn't really make it known that I was doing that so I can only fault you half of it."

"Apology accepted," Severide retorts with a grin as Casey nods and chuckles. "How are you feeling today? Noticed a few winces there when you sat down."

"I'm okay. You?"

"Yeah I'm fine," Severide offers in half-truth.

"Had a nightmare that I fell through a ten story building," Casey groans as he looks out the window with a heavy frown. "I still see Andy being engulfed in those flames. I should have stopped him."

"He should have waited," Severide grumbles as his fingers tighten around the steering wheel. "He was always kinda cocky you know that."

"And it cost him," Casey whispers as he grits his teeth. "When that floor gave way…damn I thought what the hell did I do now?"

"It wasn't you."

"I know, Otis said he and Cruz watched it give way. Our weight…wrong place wrong time…and that coulda been it. As it is they don't know if Hermann will walk again, they have to wait until all the swelling goes down. Can't lose another."

"Hermann's a stubborn SOB…he'll be fine," Severide grins as he looks over at Casey whose face softens and he nods. "Come on."

The two of them head into the familiar bar, both offering a small wave to the owner as they head for a quiet booth near the back, sliding onto the benches opposite each other.

"How's Heather?"

"She's…struggling," Casey replies lightly as they both order a few beers, leaving the menus alone for now. "So are you really sleeping that well?" Casey asks innocently as Severide turns back to him with a tight jaw. "Hey sorry I was just wondering."

"Well I like to tell everyone I am but if you ask Shay she'll tell you another story."

"Sorry."

"Yeah me too," Severide nods as the waiter comes to take their order. "What's on special?"

"Corned beef hash," the waiter replies as Casey looks up in wonder.

"You should try it, it's good here," Casey recommends.

"Already had that today," Severide replies as Casey's expression instantly changes and Severide can't help but smirk. "I'll have the soup."

"Cheeseburger and fries," Casey tells the waiter who takes the order and then leaves. "You said there was none left."

"There wasn't when I was done," Severide counters with a wide grin, earning himself a small headshake as Casey gently chuckles and looks away as he yawns. "You look tired," Severide comments in concern as Casey looks back at him with a soft expression.

"I keep asking myself why and I know that's the worst thing to do but I can't just erase it from my mind altogether or even pretend it didn't happen. I blame myself and I know I shouldn't but when I saw that damn fireball coming at him I knew there was nothing I could do," Casey concludes with a small sniff as he puts on a nervous smile and slightly stiffens his posture, not wanting to show himself too weak in front of his friend.

"I don't blame you…I know I said I did but it was easier than blaming Andy for his stupid actions. He should have listened to you. You have good instincts and you trust them," Severide lightly praises; Casey's mind and heart taking comfort in the few heartfelt words.

"Except when I'm standing on a floor abut to give way."

"Too many cheeseburgers," Severide lightly jokes as Casey merely purses his lips but says nothing.

"You saying I'm too fat?" Casey playfully tosses back as their meals finally arrive.

"Never put you in a fireman's carry so I wouldn't know," Severide snickers as Casey's expression deadpans.

"Trust me I'm just right."

"Yeah? Says who?"

"Hallie. And you can't argue with that."

"Nope that's true," Severide smiles, "but you might be too fat for a fireman's carry."

"You aren't going to find out either," Casey chuckles.

"You sure about that?" Severide playfully tosses back as he holds up his beer. "To fallen friends."

"To making amends," Casey adds as they clink the tops of their bottles and then each take a swig.

The next few hours is spent sharing a few anecdotes about their fallen friend, what kind of team member Peter Mills would turn out like, Casey's latest contracting job and a few other items. However, Severide leaves the notion of his growing injury off the discussion block as he knows this is something he doesn't want to burden Casey with; they had just gotten back on the right track to being friends again and he didn't want to jeopardize that. He offers a friendly smile and feels his mind and heart settle; they had both made small efforts toward making amends but it took one nearly losing the other for good for them to realize just what they had to lose if the other was taken and a silent pact was made that moment to not lose sight of that and continue to build on their strong friendship – it was worth saving.

**THE END!**

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**A/N**: Okay so it's been awhile since I have written an eppy one shot and am feeling kinda rusty but hope it doesn't show too much! I hope you all liked this small offering with our boys and please do review before you go and thanks so much!

**PS:** hope you are all liked the last update to Stranger in my House – that one will update next.


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